Calm

When I feel good about something 
and believe me, that’s a really hard fight.
When I win my anxiety over
It’s already too late.
I’m the last one at the party,
everyone is gone.
Maybe,
having the best of sleep,
having the night of their lives.
Anyway,
every second of my life
is operating like I’m not in control anymore.
Everything succumbs to this:
I don’t have the power
to manipulate myself, ha ha!
Just great!
It can’t get much more real than this.
At least in denial we are strong!
But after closing my eyes,
everything hurts, it hurts so bad.
My mind keeps turning so I can’t close my eyes.
I’m afraid I’ll merge into this deep muddy pool.
Can’t get out, or won’t.
Because let’s face it, 
what do I got to loose?

The mud is welcoming,
the pool seems peaceful
and everything will be alright.

By Monica Sofia